Battleborn’s Latest Heroes: a Space Luchador and a Mad Scientist

3/3/16

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3/3/16

Kleese and El Dragón couldn’t be more different. An engineering mad genius hovering along in a comfy chair and a space luchador with cybernetic arms ready to tear you a new one. Both these Battleborn heroes do have one thing in common, though: they rely upon LLC technology to kick ass.

For a little extra insight into these newly announced champions fighting to save the last star, we secured a copy of some LLC work orders…

 

KLEESE

The cantankerous Kleese, former director of Minion Robotics, hates getting his hands dirty – or getting out of his chair – to waste his time on some inferior being. So, of course he’s going to design a hardened piece of plush, high-end “combat furniture” when he’s forced to fight.

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--== LLC TECHNICAL DESIGNS
--== PATENTS AND DESIGN OFFICE

ATTN: Gunnar Kleese, ESQ.

RE: Battle Throne, MK. 1

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Greetings from the LLC Technical Designs Patent Department. Please review the attached statement outlining a full breakdown of your service request, regarding the notes for the Battle Throne, MK. 1 project.

Propulsion system: “No Wheels. No zipping around. This Battle Throne must glide gracefully through the air. Glide. Gracefully. Rest assured you will be looking for another job if I so much as spill my drink while operating my Battle Throne.”

Wrist Cannon and Shock Taser: “This combat furniture must be equipped with the latest tech – specifically a shock taser to bring down enemy shields in a hurry. The tasers will pair nicely with my wrist-mounted cannons. And make people twitch. I love that part.”

Energy Rift:  “Emergency rapid deployment shielding system in case of extreme panic - I mean, danger. The Energy Rift that restores shields must also deal damage to enemies crossing through the area. I understand the limitations of the on-board generator, so if only three can deploy at once… then fine, fine.”

Energy Mortar: “Just use the standard-issue Energy Mortars that we equip on Minion Robotics Sentry drones. If I’ve got to save a little money somewhere, this is it. I mean, it’s nice to have a 6-mortar-shell-barrage light up enemies and damage their shields. Still, I need to allocate most of the system power to the Black Hole Generator.”

Black Hole:  “Adapt the plasmite fusion generator to deploy a miniature black hole. It is fascinating watching as targets are pulled into a gravitational well and crushed into a…say…that reminds me, could this thing also make me a smoothie?”

EXTRA OPTIONS

Harresburra Leather Seating: “Rich, luxurious Harresburra leather must be used here. It is so supple; the chair must feel like it is caressing me. This is non-negotiable.”

Two [2] Cup Holders: “One in each arm capable of fitting a large hi-ball glass.”

Footrest: “Made out of Harresburra leather. Slippers would be good.”

Snug-but-not-restrictive safety belt: “Also made out of Harresburra leather. Seriously, this is important. I will return the Battle Throne with the Black Hole generator left on if it you try cutting corners on the leather.”

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EL DRAGÓN

Then there’s the champion luchador, El Dragón, who lost both his arms in his last big match against a rogue AI. Literally. As in a robot ripped both of his arms off during the Holo-Championship match. Rebuilt – and cybernetically re-armed – he’s more dangerous than ever before.

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--== LLC EMERGENCY MEDICAL SERVICES
--== AUGMENTATION AND DESIGNS DEPT.

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Dear El Dragón,

Greetings from the LLC Emergency Medical Services Design department.

Normally, this would be a generated form letter, but I’m such a huge fan! You are an amazing wrestler. I wanted to make sure that you saw this quick report of your recent arm replacement procedure. These devices are combat ready and will let you destroy any rogue AIs who dare to oppose you now.  

Two [2] “Cool-Ass” Robotic Arms: The M-RBX Models are perfect for delivering a flurry of combo blows to the head. And when those two sweet new robotic hands clap together, OH MAN, that’s a bell-ringing they won’t forget!

I’ve seen all your matches at the Holo-Arena and I think that you’re going to love how the M-RBX Model arms can amplify some of your other trademark moves.

Clothesline: Your patented clothesline charging attack is a whole lot more painful now that you’re giving a freight train delivery of two outstretched robotic arms.

Dragon Splash:  Your signature leap into the air and splash down on enemies? Still looks great and now you’ve got flashy new arms to help steer where you’re going to land!

En Fuego: Your En Fuego attacks look even more impressive now that we’ve added a fiery bonus to all your moves. And think of how awesome those new arms will look all lit up!

CWF Championship Belt: We also managed to recover the damaged championship belt from your last fight. Sure, they stripped you of your title, but that belt belongs to you! And with it you’ll feel like your old self… and do more damage.

Undisputed Champ: All you need to worry about during your recovery: every kill you make with your robotic arms increases your power. So, keep killing things! You’ll be back on top in no time!

Our Billing and Accounts Receivable Department will be contacting you soon with the final bill. (Would you mind signing it for me?!?!)

Like I said, BIG FAN!

- Employee 1264911

 

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